For many of you who know me, I have always tried to be the life of the party. The one quoting movie scenes for levity, or the one making jokes or sarcastic comments to move a conversation, but honestly, it's been tough sledding. I have deep anxiety issues, especially when it comes to getting out in public. Whether it's with going to the gas station, shopping for groceries, or going to a concert, it's been  tough to get out knowing that I'm going to be objectified in some sense due to my dwarfism. My wife, my daughter, and my son have seen our fair shares of stares, comments, being photographed without our consent, and also being asked if someone can take our photo for their own collection or fetish that they might have. This has caused issues for our children as they have felt this wrath duing their time in school.  Our children have been photographed, bullied, or tagged online without their consent and as a parent you can imagine how this feels, as it's not you being the target, but your children.  
First and foremost, I'm not asking for sorrows, inspiration, or anything related, but just an ear, and hopefully something to think about. Words that are said can never be recalled by a simple command on your phone. Words that are posted can never be recalled by a simple delete button, because the internet is forever. Before committing an action, like deciding to take a photo of an individual, think about how this is not only going to affect that person's life, but your life as well.
Most importantly, and this has become my three favorite words lately, "Read the Room!" Stop thinking you're Rodney Dangerfield and making a joke about someone in marginalized community, because you happen to know someone in that community. Read the Room! When having a discussion at work, don't go down a path that you know might seem uncomfortable with other co-workers, just because you think this can be a conversation starter. Read the Room! And lastly, if you want to have a conversation to negate a marginalized community, I'm not only going to say Read the Room, but stop being an asshole!
I've been wanting to get this off my chest, and share in some respects, as I am growing tired of the same old nonsense. Not only dealing with my community, but other communities as well.

We can all be Martin Henderson.

     As a person with Dwarfism and a Disability, I have always carried myself with high confidence and regard, despite some of the ignorance that exists in the public, with those who try to create a mockery, tease, and exploit our differences, It can be the usual dropping of the M-Word, or other epithets, pictures being taken in public places for their own amusement, and even physical assaults.

   A couple of years ago, a man named Martin Henderson was assaulted in his home country of New Zealand, when a English Rugby team accosted him outside of a bar, picked him up, and threw him, leaving him with partial paralysis. Since then, Martin has struggled to maintain his balance and walks with the aid of braces. For longer distances, he requires a wheelchair. Unfortunately, these injuries took a toll, as he was wanting to pursue a career of acting, and he feels this might have derailed any opportunity. This assault trended in social media as other individuals with Dwarfism, as well as organizations such as,  Little People of America offered reactions, as well as support for Martin. Actor Peter Dinklage even gave him a shout out after winning his Golden Globe award for Best Supporting Actor in the HBO Series, Game of Thrones, asking the audience within the theatre, and those at home to google his name and learn more about him. Dwarf Tossing, which is legal in many countries, as well as certain states in our country, is a taboo in our community,and it can lead to injuries such as paralysis and even death, Apparently, this rugby team felt it was their right to perform this act on Martin, but it's not the right of anyone to assault another individual.

  Individuals with Dwarfism are not the only ones subject to assaults, as there has been physical violence against those with Down Syndrome, Autism, individuals who use wheelchairs, and others, but never in a million years would I have thought I would been the subject of an assault, due to my disability. In fact, there were times as a kid that I faced name calling or bullying, but I was never assaulted due to having Dwarfism. Recently at an event, I was with all of my friends, both of Average Height, and Dwarfism, in the bar, reminiscing  great times, watching the World Series and just hanging back, when an average sized man came up behind me and assaulted me by smacking my rear end very hard. I turned around thinking it was someone in our group who was messing around, but I looked up and saw this average sized man, who I have never met, sitting there laughing at me. In anger, I asked him "Why did you hit me?" "I don't know you? "Why did you______ hit me? He then pointed at one of our friends, who happens to be an individual with Dwarfism, and said "They told me to do it.", in which that person responded " No, I did not." "I don't even know you!"  Of course my blood was boiling, and I told him "Do not ever touch me again" "Do not ever hit me!" By then, hotel staff and security were called, wanting to see what was going on and I responded "This person hit me and I want something done about it now! The hotel manager then told me to calm down, and I said "No!" "I was just assaulted!" "I'm not calming down!" And of course the staff tried to accuse our group of being belligerent, when that wasn't in the case, and we found out  later that the man was bothering other individuals with Dwarfism in the bar, by making comments, or even patting people's heads. The hotel manager then proceeded to call the police, since I wanted to talk to someone of higher authority and get this resolved. The police came out and pulled me aside and I explained my story, as my friends and even witnesses not involved with the group followed, agreeing with my report. They asked me if I wanted to press charges, but stated that the nature of the assault might not amount to anything, because it wasn't anything felonious, so I asked the kind officers to talk to the drunk person, in which they did and told him to stay away from the group.

   I was extremely upset with how the hotel handled this, since I fear that there has never been any diversity training regarding disabled patrons, or anyone with any differences, and what could happen next time, when a person is ridiculed for their difference.  Especially, if there is a situation that resembles the attack that Martin Henderson was subjected to. I am planning on following up with the corporate offices and others, to make sure my concerns are conveyed, so that this never happens again. Whether it's the responsibility of the bar staff, to keep their patrons at a respectable level, making sure other patrons are not subjected to any abuse, and to address the complaints and concerns of patrons, especially those with disabilities.  This is my hope, as I don't want any of us to face the same pain and have our rights threatened, as Martin Henderson did that night.

Back at the Y!

     After 4 years of being away from the YMCA and a routine of activity, I decided to sign the family up for a membership and get back into the pool 3-4 times a week. My goal is to lose 20 pounds by the time the LPA Conference begins and hopefully participate in the DAAA Games. The biggest motivator to getting back into shape is the fact that my Spinal Stenosis has flared up again, and I'm tired of being in pain and not being able to stand on my feet, like I used to. For those who are unaware, many individuals with Dwarfism have back issues like compression or stenosis. Stenosis is a narrowing of the open spaces within your spine, which can put pressure on your spinal cord and the nerves that travel through the spine, while compression develops when the spinal is compressed by bone fragments from a vertebral fracture, a tumor, abscess, ruptured inter vertebral disc or other lesion. It is regarded as a medical emergency independent of its cause, and requires swift diagnosis and treatment to prevent long-term disability due to irreversible spinal cord injury. Thanks to Wikipedia for helping me out with those definitions. I had sought out surgical options, but when it comes to procedures to the spinal, it makes me very weary and worried that I might need more procedures performed. Also, I feel that if I use alternative therapies such as exercising on the treadmill and in the water, as well as other remedial therapies such as acupuncture, I will be able to overcome this ailment.


   With today's exercise, it felt like it was four years, as I was very winded after one lap! Rather than quitting, I kept going and was able to work out for close to 40 minutes.  It was very therapeutic as I felt the pain in my hip slowly fade as I swam.  I followed this up sitting in the hot tub which I should also add is very therapeutic. Also, I'm planning on following this with being on a Weight Watchers diet where I hope to stay under 30 points per day, and I will say that when I followed the WW plan with exercise in 2008, I was able to lose more than 20 pounds.


   While I am proud of getting back into the swing of things, I'm writing this to let others know , especially in the Dwarfism community, that with a weekly regiment and changing the eating habits, the ailments can fade away. I know in some circumstances it's not possible, but in many it is. It comes down to motivation and getting to the gym or the pool. I hope that I am participating in DAAA games such as basketball, soccer, and many others this summer, but if not, my goal is to have a healthy body and mind.

Perhaps think before opening up your bill!

In the midst of DuckGate, or what I like to call the Duck that roared and got axed, there is a tremendous debate in the media, and social networks of those who support or oppose the suspension of Duck Dynasty patriarch, Phil Robertson. In fact, there are those who are passionately opposing this move, by issuing death threats and sending suspicious packages to the offices of A&E. If you ask me, am I surprised by his views...No. Do I believe in the right to free speech? Yes, as long as it doesn't cause harm or threatens a person's safety.. Do I believe that the network had every right to suspend, fire, or possibly cancel his show. Yes.

Since this story is over 24 hours old and been recycled more than a car battery, I'm not going into specifics of the details, his background, or the the show. I'm actually going to substitute some of the words and connotations he said, and replace it with some of the things that not only our community hears and deals with from television, movies, and other media outlets, but what the disabled community hears and deals with as well.  What would have happened if Phil would have stated that those in wheelchairs should not be granted accessibility to public places? What would have happened if Phil would have stated those with autism or Downs Syndrome need to be kept in Mental Health Centers and sheltered away from the public? What would have happened if Phil would have said that all little people(probably would have used the infamous M-word) should only work in circuses or as leprechauns and elves? I can't answer what would have happened to Phil, but unfortunately, many celebrities and public officials have made ignorant remarks like this and have not faced any repercussions. When Rosie O' Donnell announced her fears of LP's on the Chelsea Handler show, she faced an onslaught of emails and tweets denouncing her comments, but unfortunately, she was not reprimanded by the OWN Network. When Chelsea Handler made  jokes towards LP's or comments about their personal lives, she faced repercussions from the LP community, but there wasn't a reprimand from the E Network. Just recently, Lindsay Lohan said she was afraid of little people,  The response? People shaking their heads, as poor Lindsay has enough issues. And last but not least, when Paramount and the filmmakers of "The Wolf of Wall Street" were asked to remove the Dwarf Tossing scene from the movie, they only responded by removing it from some of the trailers.(As of now, it isn't sure if this was removed from the movie) As we have seen from prime time, cable television, movies, and even the 24 hour news cycle, politically correctness and sensitivity unfortunately doesn't cover everyone in their eyes.

When Phil Robertson made his comments, he was expressing his free speech, but as he was representing his show and A&E, he offended the network's employees who are African-American, and those who lead alternative lifestyles. Phil didn't understand that his "co-workers" have every right to be in a workplace where they do not have to tolerate any hate or discrimination because they are a different race, sex, national origin, disability, or sexual orientations. At the end of the day, this is why he was suspended. If it had to do with money, then he would still be filming, as the viewers (both fans and haters) might tune in to see what he says next. But I would hope that companies such as Comcast, Time Warner, Viacom, Disney, and the other media conglomerates would follow suit and protect the rights and respects of their employees who are disabled.

As we have seen in the last twenty years, saying what's on your mind can be very destructive. Just ask Jimmy the Greek, Marge Schott, Al Campanis, Fuzzy Zoeller, Sergio Garcia, and now we can add Phil Robertson to this list, but unfortunately, there are many names that aren't listed. I think it's time that everyone adheres to the standards of being respectable to all differences. With it being 2013, people should know better, but it's obvious a lot of work has to be done.

Such Great Heights? My thoughts...

     1995 will always be the year that I consider a turning point of my life. I was 23, a college student, a full time employee at a retirement center, and an individual who was still trying to identify myself. While days consisted of work and study, nights usually meant attending clubs and bars until the wee hours of the morning. With living at home and not having too many responsibilities, my life was not yet complete, and the reasons were strictly social. So, I had a consultation with a surgeon in Dayton, Ohio, with hopes of fulfilling my needs.  With being a dwarf, I have heard of this procedure  called ELL(Extended Limb Lengthening) that lengthens limbs and possibly adds anywhere from 4 to 12 inches to one's height. So, I daydreamed at times of attaining the maximum and becoming 5'7 and not even showing a concern of the procedure itself and the rehabilitation and possible side effects that come afterwards. My plans for this journey were not to be able to look at myself in the mirror  at higher eye levels, my plans for this journey were not to be able to sit on a couch or love seat and being able to relax with both feet on the ground, and my plans for this journey were not to be able to reach things. My plan was to become taller and attain a social acceptance in everyday society.


Growing up, I was exposed to the dwarf community, whether it was the Human Growth Foundation, or Little People of America, but there was a stubborn side of me that didn't accept who I was, and I had other aspirations of who I wanted to be.  I attended local meetings on a Chapter level, but refused to commit myself to the organization on a regular basis. So, as I became older and went to college, my nights consisted of hanging out at the Oregon Bar District or clubs such as 1470 west, the Asylum, and some of the other trendy clubs in the Dayton area. As my friends met individuals of the opposite sex, received phone numbers, went out together to Denny's after closing time, as well as some things I will not disclose here, I felt like the 5th wheel and left out, and of course lonely.  And the times that I did meet someone it was usually just a dance, or if a phone number was exchanged, conversations would ensue, and then be informed later that they only wanted to be friends. A story that many of us in the LP community, have probably heard at one instance or another in our lifetimes.


      Because of this, I was clearly unhappy with myself and the way society perceived me, so I decided to see what this limb lengthening procedure was all about. So, I made an appointment with a surgeon who performed the procedure in town, and underwent a consultation. I had x-rays, and he went into complete detail of what the procedure entailed. He discussed the surgery, and the daily tasks of having to turn the screws so that the bone will lengthen. As I think about it now, my stomach churns with the pain, the agony, and the risks involved with the open wounds, but at the time, my eyes were on the prize. Before I left, he told me to think about it, and get back with him if I wanted to pursue this.  So, that week I informed friends and family members of the procedure and surprisingly received a knee jerk reaction. I was asked why I would change myself, why would I give in to what society wants, and statements like "We love you for who you are!" Obviously, after hearing what friends and family members had to say, I regrouped and really contemplated my next move.  I asked myself  many questions such as, " Am I doing the right thing?" Was this the solution?" "In the long run, will this be worth it?" So for days and weeks, I pondered the next move, and as I was looking through old LPA Todays(eventhough I wasn't a member, I would still receive one each year thanks to the gracious office for trying to lure former members) and became interested as I saw pics of the Conferences, the Cruises, and the Meetings, and realized that I am the same as the individuals in these magazines, and that perhaps I need to give LPA a chance and check it out.



     It took a while, but eventually I did seek involvement, and actually found a website that was directed towards dwarfs finding other dwarfs for either friendships or relationships. In 1998, I attended my first LPA Regional in Sandusky, and met a number of individuals, and befriended, some who are actually very good friends of mine to this day. Through the website, that I had previously mentioned I met someone who I talked with off and on, and eventually we dated for a while,  and soon after that, I was talking to someone else and we began to date, so my social life had taken a 180 degree turn, of where it was in 1995. Finally in 1999, I found my future wife, Holly, at a Regional Conference in Pittsburgh, PA, as we were talking online for a couple of months before we had officially met. And since I became involved, I have met over hundreds and hundreds of individuals and have made many life lasting friendships, friendships that I would never have imagined back in 1995, especially if I had gone through with the procedure.



     I'm not here trying to sell LPA to those who are not members, and if one chooses to go through the ELL procedure, then to each their own.  The problems that I have are those who advertise and solicit ELL posts on facebook pages or other means, and state that this is a cure for Dwarfism. That this is the solution. That this is a miracle. It's none of the above, and as it states in LPA's statement on ELL, it has been medically proven that it's not a cure, and only used for cosmetic reasons. The surgeon who consulted me on the procedure didn't disclose that it would help my spinal stenosis, ease arthritic knees, or cure any other ailments. It would make me taller..that's it. And while there are surgeons that recommend and require psychological evaluations for those who undergo gastric bypass, and similar procedures, many who perform these ELL procedures fail to do so. I wish my surgeon would have directed me to have a psychological evaluation before taking the next steps, as he or she would have nailed why I was seeking this change. And for many, I believe this is why this procedure is performed, which in fairness isn't the so called cure they were seeking, as there is still something missing.



     It also scares the heck out me to see these solicitors attract those who are new parents of children with dwarfism, stating that this is a cure all, or else it's gloom and doom, rather than let those who have experienced lifetimes of success, experiences, and tribulations share their knowledge. These procedures are widespread in the international community, where the acceptance of individuals with disabilities are very low, and I fear that this will become ominous in this country, where all of a sudden we must be perfect.



     Being a Dwarf is not the easiest thing in the world, but it is certainly not the worst. I count my blessings each day for who I am, what I have, and all of the wonderful family members and friends that I have. If it wasn't for my Dwarfism, I wouldn't have my wonderful wife, and two beautiful children. If it wasn't for my Dwarfism, I wouldn't have many wonderful friends. And if it wasn't for my Dwarfism, I am not sure if I would have this outlook on the world  where we should always put acceptance over perfection, especially when it's ourselves.

I'm not an adjective! I have a name!

All throughout my life, I've been asked the proper word to describe my existence in society? Is it Midget, Dwarf, or Little Person? Of course, since the word Midget is derogatory and offensive, I've often said Dwarf or Little Person. But as I sit back and read some of the Facebook Pages, the various posts, and blogs, I wonder sometimes if the latter can be just as offensive to some in our community. Personally, I never took offense to the word "Dwarf", even when used in a fantasy type setting, such as books and movies. Perhaps it's because I never had a child or even an adult yell out across a crowded market, "Hey, look at that Dwarf!" But, one word I have often had issue with and I think it can be demeaning in the same way as the word "Midget"  is the word "Little". When I think of the word "Little", I attributed it to being inferior, smaller than everyone else, and having a lesser impact.

There was a recent debate regarding a book called "The Dwarf in the Drawer" which is supposed to be a parody of the Christmas Tradition "The Elf on The Shelf", and while many were upset, there were those who didn't take issue, and felt we had more things to worry about, whether it was Health care, Employment, Equal Rights, and other issues that affect our community.  I didn't seem to take issue, because once again, the word Dwarf has never bothered me, I understand the satirical nature, and I agree that we have to focus on the everyday issues that affect our community. But while I was watching this debate go back and forth, I was thinking of the terminology that is considered politically incorrect to describe those with Dwarfism, and I wondered, what makes the word little acceptable? I know that it's the first word of our wonderful organization, Little People of America, but if one is upset about the word Dwarf, why not little? It reminds me when I was working at a retirement facility during college, and an elderly man come up to me and said "Hi Little Man", and before I can even think about it, an elderly woman following him went off and said "How dare he call you little man!" "Who does he think he is!" Of course, I said, "It's no big Deal" but she replied "It is a big deal!" "Don't let him belittle you like that!"  So, now 22 years later, I'm recapturing the moment and saying to myself "I can understand her argument."  I can see how this could be degrading to some, because how often in society do we use an adjective before the person's name or gender when we address someone? I've never heard someone say" Hello Obese Man!" or "Hello Skinny Woman"! It's probably never going to happen, because we would say "Hello Sir!" or "Hello Ma'am, or if we know their name we might say "Hello Mike!" "Hello Mike!" That's it!!! That answers the question that was asked earlier! What do I want to be called, or what is the proper name for me? Call me Mike! There we go!!!

As I sit and think about our children, and children that are growing up with Dwarfism(LPA members or not) I think it's important that we give them an identity early in life, and that they are known by their name, and not an adjective. I know everyone has their own views on this, but when I see shirts and slogans that say "Love a Little", I don't feel this is doing our children any justice. I understand that there are some using slogans like this to create an awareness, but how about we keep things simple and proper. Instead of "Love a Little", how about "Sydney's Campaign for Awareness..or maybe just use the phrase we use every October, and that is Dwarfism Awareness..Instead of saying "How many littles have had decompression surgery?" replace this with "How many children with Dwarfism have had decompression surgery?" or "How many adults with Dwarfism have had decompression surgery?" Think about it...I don't think other races, nationalities, or disabilities would use an adjective in describing themselves or their children with similar questions. In fact, I feel it would be offensive.

So, as I sit here 22 years later, thinking about my conversation with Alice, I am grateful that it took place. I know the man didn't mean anything by calling me "Little Man", and if he did. I have forgiven him, but because of the conversations and everything else conveyed to me by friends and loved ones in life, it has given me a stronger sense that we should be known by who we are and our names, and not an adjective.